Look at me, it’s okay…..I’m here for you
In the midst of this COVID-19 Pandemic, I’m finding myself being more active and directive with my clients than I usually am. My clients are typically high-functioning, successful women who struggle with anxiety. Sessions usually consist of my clients spending the majority of the session talking….processing…..getting choked up and crying….. My role is to be an active listener, fully focused on their words and body language. I support them to lean into the big feelings and let it all out. Oftentimes, I go the whole hour hardly saying a word. Since my clients are driven and competent people, they don’t need me to say “do this” or “do that”...and that’s just not usually my style. I want to be a safe place for them to let it all hang out and feel no judgement. However, this past week, I’ve noticed an interesting shift in several of the sessions: I’m more directive and plan-oriented. I can sense that, right now, they need me to speak up more and take a more active role. This unprecedented pandemic time is causing stress, and a lot of it, for most of my clients. Their normal has been turned upside down with “stay at home” and “shelter in place” orders. Our sessions have moved from in-person to video or phone. It’s a very trying time for a lot of people and every single person has been impacted on some level. As I sit here and think about my sessions this past week, I’m reminded of child birth.
If you’ve ever given birth, you probably have a hard time comparing it to anything else you’ve experienced. The process is both unique and beautiful, but hard at the same time. The “transition” time between 8 centimeters and birth is very disorienting. It’s the time when most women want to give up and feel they can’t go on. The woman is exhausted and just ready to meet the incredible life she’s been growing inside of her. This past week has felt like the “transition” period for the pandemic. My clients (as well as my family and friends) are mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted and ready for life to move forward. They want the painful contractions to end; to see light at the end of the tunnel. Many of my clients have hit the proverbial wall. They feel overwhelming anxiety, depression returning, and just in general "maxxed out." Just like a birth doula (trained professional who emotionally supports the woman) locks eyes with a woman who is in transition and gently tells her, “Look at me, it's okay...I'm here for you. It's just a little bit longer,” I am also looking into my client’s eyes, connecting with them, and saying the very same thing. I’m reminding them of all the hard work they’ve done in the past, how they’ve grown, the mountains they’ve successfully scaled, and now making a plan with them on how to take care of themselves. I don’t know when the Pandemic will end and when we’ll be able to emerge from our houses and go back to hanging out with friends and seeing people face to face, but, in the meantime, we all need to remind ourselves that it’s okay that this is hard. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, anxious, and sad. It’s okay.