If you're preparing for surgery, first, take a breath.
Maybe you're feeling pretty calm. Maybe you're anxious and finding yourself thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Maybe you're somewhere in between—feeling okay one minute and suddenly overwhelmed by a what if thought the next.
Whatever you're feeling, it's perfectly normal to feel a whole range of emotions.
Even if you've made the decision to have surgery, that doesn't mean you won't feel nervous about it. When something important is coming up and there's uncertainty involved, it's natural for your mind to try to prepare you for every possible outcome, especially if you already struggle with anxiety.
But here's the thing: you don't have to believe every thought your brain throws at you. And you don't have to spend the days leading up to surgery worrying your way through every possibility.
As a therapist specializing in anxiety and trauma in women, I want to share five things that may help you feel more grounded, supported, and mentally and emotionally prepared as you approach surgery.
1. Corral Your Thoughts
Your brain may have a lot to say as surgery gets closer.
What if something goes wrong? What if recovery is harder than I expect? What if I don't heal well? What if I can't handle it?
Those what if thoughts can feel incredibly convincing. And once one shows up, it's easy for another to follow, and another, until you've spent an hour (or a week) imagining scenarios that haven't happened.
This is where I want you to practice corralling your thoughts.
Imagine your thoughts are a wild stallion. If you let that stallion roam wherever it wants, it can cause a lot of damage. Your anxious thoughts can do something similar when you let them run freely, pulling you into one frightening possibility after another.
You don't have to wrestle every thought to the ground. You just need to practice not following it wherever it wants to take you.
When you notice yourself spiraling, try saying:
I'm having a what-if thought. That doesn't mean it's going to happen.
Then gently redirect your attention to what's actually happening right now. Maybe you're sitting on your couch. Maybe you're drinking your coffee, talking to a friend, or watching your favorite show. Bring yourself back to the present moment.
You can acknowledge that surgery comes with uncertainty without mentally rehearsing every possible negative outcome.
And if the thought comes back five minutes later? That's okay. Corral it again.
This isn't about pretending that risks don't exist or ignoring important medical information. It's about getting the information you need from your medical team without allowing anxiety to turn uncertainty into an endless stream of worst-case scenarios.
You can have an anxious thought without giving it the reins.
2. Prepare a Little (But Don't Go Overboard!)
One of the hardest parts of preparing for surgery can be feeling like so much is out of your control.
You can't control every detail of the procedure or exactly how your recovery will go. But there are some things you can do to make the days afterward a little easier.
This is where a little preparation can help.
Spend some time looking for recovery items that might make you more comfortable. Depending on your procedure and your surgeon's recommendations, that might mean easy-to-wear clothing, extra pillows, simple meals, or things to keep you entertained while you rest.
You might even enjoy browsing Google or Amazon and putting together a small list of things that could help.
Sometimes, taking a practical step helps us feel less helpless. It gives us something constructive to focus on instead of spending all our energy worrying.
But here's my reminder: prepare a little, not a lot.
You don't need to buy every product someone on the internet says you absolutely must have. You don't need to create the perfect recovery setup or anticipate every possible need before surgery.
Start with a few essentials. Check with your surgical team about what's appropriate for your procedure, especially when it comes to medications, supplements, wound care, and recovery equipment. You can always get additional items later if you need them.
The goal isn't to control every aspect of recovery. It's to make things a little easier on yourself.
Don’t let this turn into obsessing and ruminating. Give yourself permission to do enough.
3. Lean on Your Support System
If you're someone who is used to taking care of everyone else, asking for help might feel uncomfortable.
You may be the person who organizes family life, remembers what everyone needs, and figures things out when something goes wrong. You're used to being dependable.
But when you're preparing for surgery, you deserve to be on the receiving end of that care, too.
Let your family and friends know what's coming up and what kind of help would make a difference.
Be specific.
Instead of saying, "I'll let you know if I need anything," try asking someone to bring dinner on a particular night. If you have children, ask a trusted person to help with school drop-offs, activities, or childcare. If you'll need help with errands or household tasks, let people know ahead of time.
People often want to help but don't know what would be useful. Giving them a concrete way to support you makes it easier for everyone.
And please remember: needing help while you recover doesn't mean you're a burden.
You would show up for someone you love without giving it a second thought. You'd bring the meal, watch the kids, or help with the laundry.
Let the people who love you have the opportunity to do that for you.
You don't have to earn support by doing everything yourself first.
It’s safe to be cared for.
4. Communicate What You're Feeling
You don't have to keep your anxiety to yourself.
Sometimes we avoid telling people we're scared because we don't want to worry them. We might worry that they'll think we're being dramatic or that talking about our fears will somehow make them feel bigger.
But keeping everything inside can leave you feeling even more alone.
If you have safe, supportive people in your life, let them know how you're feeling. You don't need them to fix everything. Sometimes you just need someone to listen and remind you that you don't have to navigate this experience alone.
You can say something as simple as:
I'm feeling more anxious about surgery than I expected. I don't need you to solve anything. I just need someone to talk to for a few minutes.
If you know someone who has had the same procedure, you might ask them about their experience, including what helped them during recovery. Hearing about a positive experience can offer reassurance and help you feel less alone.
Just remember that everyone's surgery and recovery can be different. Another person's experience can't predict yours, so use your surgeon and medical team for information specific to your situation.
And please tell your surgeon that you're anxious.
You can be honest about what worries you most. Are you afraid of anesthesia? Pain? The recovery process? Not knowing what to expect?
The more specific you can be, the easier it may be for your medical team to address your concerns, explain what to expect, and help you understand the support available to you.
You don't have to act brave or pretend you're not worried.
Being honest about your anxiety is a way of taking care of yourself, not a sign that you're failing to cope.
5. Visualize a Positive Experience (This is my favorite one)
Our minds can be remarkably good at creating vivid pictures of things we're afraid might happen.
You might find yourself imagining a stressful day at the hospital, feeling overwhelmed, or struggling through recovery. Sometimes those mental pictures feel so real that your body starts responding as though the situation is already happening.
One gentle practice you can try is intentionally creating a different picture.
Set aside a few quiet minutes and imagine yourself moving through the experience in a calm, supported way.
Picture yourself arriving at the hospital and taking a few steady breaths.
Imagine asking your questions and feeling cared for by the people around you.
Picture yourself settling in, letting the medical team guide you through the next steps, and feeling supported as you prepare for the procedure.
Imagine the transition into recovery. Picture yourself resting, accepting help, and allowing yourself the time you need to heal.
See yourself surrounded by people who care about you. Imagine feeling strong—not because you aren't scared, but because you're allowing yourself to be supported through something difficult.
You might even picture yourself thinking, I'm taking this one step at a time. I don't have to do everything at once.
This isn't about guaranteeing a particular surgical outcome or forcing yourself to feel positive all the time.
Visualization is simply a way to practice directing your attention toward a more reassuring possibility instead of automatically replaying your fears.
If visualization makes you more anxious, that's okay, too. You can try something simpler, like imagining a peaceful place or focusing on a comforting memory.
You don't have to feel perfectly calm for this to be worthwhile.
You can be nervous and still give yourself moments of peace.
A Final Reminder: You Don't Have to Do This Perfectly
Preparing for surgery can bring up a lot of feelings, especially when you're someone who likes to be prepared, responsible, and in control.
You might have days when you feel confident and other days when anxiety catches you off guard. You might find yourself worrying even after you've done everything you can to prepare.
That doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong.
You don't have to eliminate every anxious thought, buy every recovery item, accept every offer of help perfectly, or visualize your way into feeling fearless.
You just have to take the next manageable step.
Gather the information you need from your medical team. Prepare a few things that will make recovery easier. Let people support you. Be honest about what you're feeling. And when your mind starts racing ahead, gently bring yourself back to the moment you're in.
You are allowed to feel scared and still move forward. You are allowed to need help. And you are allowed to take care of yourself without having to prove that you're strong enough to handle everything alone.
If you're preparing for surgery right now, I hope you'll give yourself some extra compassion in the days ahead.
You deserve care and support during this experience, too.
Take it one step at a time. You don't have to figure it all out today.
